Sunday, July 20, 2008

Round n Round We Go

Greetings from the States... Yes from the states! Whoo! Well, except for the flight. It's a 24+ hour marathon from doorstep to doorstep, 3 separate flight segments, 12 hour flight cross the water, and an 8 hour time change. Takes a little out of you by the time you arrive. But of course, it's worth the trek. My mother and cousin came to visit us for a month. But will not travel alone. I guess you could say my mother is labeled a "must accompany" passenger. So I flew with her each way.


It is so refreshing to be back in the states. Currently, I am visiting with my family in north FL. Yes... I am from the south and yes... north FL is in the "stix". But it's the south... warm and inviting and just so full of southern hospitality! Unfortunately, I do not possess the southern hospitality gene. My family does, but nope not me, must have just skipped right over me.


This past week I flew to Atlanta to visit some of our friends. Oh, and all my doctors, dentist, hair dresser, and home church. You see I do not like change. I want the same doctor, the same dentist, and same hair dresser even the same shampoo from my same hair dresser. I have been to these guys for at least the last 10 years. They would miss me if I did not schedule appointments with them!!


Home sweet Atlanta. It's the first time I have set foot outside the Atlanta airport, since we moved 7 months ago. I enjoy Greece, but still miss home. I know Greece is home now, but the Atlanta home has more seniority to date. I have to say it was an odd experience.... I went to my doctors appointments, visited with friends, and on Sunday to our home church.. even made it early, before Sunday school (Harry would have been so proud...I am NEVER early for anything)! After church I decided to swing by our house. We still have our house, but we have renters now. (Great renters I might add...they pay rent on time and have not, to date, destroyed our house!) *Insert both praise report and prayer request!


As I drove out of the church parking lot, I thought, how nice of a day it is...it's raining. You see in Greece it only rains a few months out of the year. 4 months to be exact and only through the winter months. So we Cretans have not had rain in a long while. I love the smell of rain. I love the sound of rain and thunder. Not sure why but I do. On the 5 minute drive home I survey the surroundings, I am just taking it all in. The newly paved potholes in the road, the new house down the street, a new house for sale, a restaurant closed, higher fuel prices at the corner store. Down the street a little further and then there it is...our house, 4686 IvyGate Circle!
Our home and residence for almost 7 years. I started to choke up. Still raining, I pull up to the gate...roll down the window to punch in the code and WHAM! #2360 is denied. With the rain maybe my finger slipped. #2360. Again nothing. The huge inviting entry gates do not swing open like always. A little tear started to slip down my cheek. #2360 again, but harder this time. (like that's going to help?) Nothing. I find the alphabet button and begin scrolling down. A, B, okay great H is not too far away. great H, now to find Hansen. Hansen. Hansen, where are you? No Hansen. What? No Hansen, no Harry, no Kristie, no Harry & Kristie. Not even one single Hansen in this entire neighborhood? Not even a Hanson... with an O. (Everyone spells our name wrong.) Now I am full fledged crying. The tears would not stop, which was upsetting me worse because I could barley see and I had to find our name. #2360. Nothing, the big wrought iron gates just stood there tall, proud, closed, mocking me.
Then it hits me..... there are 2 gates for this neighborhood and the other one is always open during business hours. I never knew our place was so secure, but not a comfort to me today! I pull a U-ey and speed off towards the back gate. And yes...open. Ha, big gates I'm in now.

But victory was sweet but short lived. It was like slow motion. Surreal. I pull through our complex. See our neighbor's cars. Hi neighbors! Hi neighbor's cars! Hi familiar surroundings, oh how I have missed you! I keep driving towards 4686 IvyGate Circle. Still passing neighbors, even see the ole dog lady. Mean ole dog lady, who used to let her dogs poo on our lawn. I used to wish I had the stomach to scoop for her and deliver her dogs goods back to her lawn. Yet, I even waved at her. Rounded the corner. Still crying. Slowly, approaching. Hold my breath. Little further. Almost there. Gasp. Then todah! There it is..... the back of IvyGate Circle. Yah! Except, there is a car parked in my garage. Slam on brakes! Car? IN my driveway? And it's not mine. It's not Harry's. I do not recognize it as a Hansen automobile. It does not belong there. Now, I am not only crying, but that slobbering boo-hooing that it takes actors years to perfect. I keep going around to the front.

Finally, I make it to the front of IvyGate Circle. Still in the car I try to see in through the front door. The window. Something. The inside shutters and blinds were closed. It's raining out...I would always have had the windows open. The shutters open when I wake and I go room to room closing them at night. It's the routine! What is going on here? I keep driving, around to the side... nothing. Then I see the back deck.
What is going on back here? No grill! Where is Harry's grill? He was always a little dangerous with that grill, but still it had its place over there in the corner! No little bistro table. We searched and searched months for that table. Oliver, the cat loved that table! Everyday Harry read the paper while Oliver sunbathed on that table. In its place were plants and flowers. What? Not at IvyGate Circle. I can keep nothing alive, except my bamboo plant! Then out of sight goes my house. It's a one way street.


So I decide to round the corner and go back. Hello again ole dog lady, except I did not wave at her this time. For some crazy reason I was mad at her. "Why would you let someone move in my house?" (like she has anything to do with it) Driving...house back in sight. Slow down again....wipe the tears...put the wipers on high so I can actually see this time. But nothing! No insight into the house. Windows lady, open the windows. How am I supposed to see in? So I decided to go around again! And yes offically I am a house stalker! I was not stalking the renters, not trying to see if they were taking care of my house. Just trying to see MY house. My comfort zone. I am a house stalker! But it's my house I am stalking. So maybe that is legal?
Round we go again, emotional I am not getting any calmer. Worse actually! I think it was on the 4th round about (maybe more, but whose counting) I start praying, "God this cannot be healthy" ..."I miss this place, miss my kitchen, miss my bedroom, closet (we have no closets in Greece), and oh, my bathroom! I MISS MY BATHTUB!" (I am a bath taker...when I mean bath taker, I mean like 3 times a day)..."Lord, I was happy here! I am happy there, but it gets lonely, we feel isolated being so far away. Lord, you have to help here. I keep going round and round. I want to burst through the doors, my doors and run upstairs. Run to my bathroom, lock myself in and jump in the tub. Lord, I want it all back! Lord, I am approaching the front again. You have to help me here. I want to put the car in park. Help! Jesus help... something has to give! Don't just leave me out here in the rain going round and round while a fall to pieces. I have trusted you. I do trust you. Guide my steps."

Then I see it. Under the front door step. The front doormat. The movers must have forgotten to pack it. I bought it years ago. Dirty and faded. Yet it's still there. Right there on my doorstep. Something of mine..marking my territory. Something that said YES I did live here. A little piece of the old us right in front of me. But that's not all....it's the design of the mat that caught my attention... it's has a Greek keystone border.


A mat I bought years ago, long before Harry was active military, was sitting on my old doorstep. A mat in the design so familiar to me in Greece. A Greek key border. A dirty old mat, but oh how I loved the sight of it. This mat...this dingy mat that has sat on my doorstep for years has a Greek border. Still crying, but more calmly now. A peace is starting to pass over as I feel God whispering..."I am here, do you see it now?, your steps where guided long before you knew, long before you had any clue what or where you would be. I am with you always." A doormat, a place where my feet had stepped for many years gave me peace. A doormat, a place where Harry's feet have trod gave me a greater understanding for God's love for me. A doormat made me feel loved. A dirty ole doormat showed me God has not forgotten me. I may be stuck out on an isolated island away from friends and family, but He has not forgotten me. He has not stopped loving me. He has not stopped walking this path with me. And He continues to walk with me no matter what. With us all! He has a method and plan. His love is not happenstance. And I love Him for that!


"For I know the plans I have for you,
" declares the Lord, "
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)




Needless to say, I eventually left 4686 IvyGate Circle. Thank God it was a circle so I could just go round and round. I would have looked "suspicous" if I had to drive back and forth. I called Harry later to tell him I went home. I did not tell him everything because he cut me short to tell me those are "good renters and we are getting double the mortgage". So I figured I should leave out the "house stalker" bit. I'll have to tell him if someone in the neighborhood makes a formal complaint. It was my friends car though!



Blessing until next time,

Kristie

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