Longest Night of My Life

Imagine...

.....around 10 p.m. your sister phoning. It is her birthday, so you answer in a jovial mode.

"Hello?"

...that's when you hear she is upset and crying.

"Daddy's been taken to the hospital for heart flutters and his body has went numb... he was driving to work after his lunch break and could not make it back to his office.... his coworker found him unresponsive in his truck."

That's the phone call I received Monday night. I immediately hang up to phone my mother. She calmly talks, but only because she has just arrived at the hospital parking lot. She does not know anything other than what has already been told to me.

"Call me as soon as you see him." I tell her.


For the next several minutes.... various family members are called, numerous family and friends arrive at the hospital to show there love and support for my dad.

And then there's, Kayne and I stuck in Greece, ceaselessly calling whoever will answer their phones.


"How is he?"

"Where's my mom?"

"Is my sister there yet?"



My sister Kasey,over an hours drive away was coming from a baby doctors appointment.

"How is my dad?"

"He's okay", I am told.

"He's had a bit of a spell, but he's awake and talking now."

Kayne and I begin to calm down just a bit. But hurriedly, we have begun our search on getting home ASAP. Not Greece home, but stateside home. Nights like tonight.... I HATE Greece. We long to be home with our family and beside my mom and dad.

For us....it's too late to catch the ferry off the island... too late to make a flight... everything has closed for the night, so we must sit tight until tomorrow morning. We continue to call... we just cannot sit still. But yet.... that's all we can do. there's nothing else we can do. Waves of nausea and fear continue to flood us. I was suddenly freezing cold. And I cannot stop shaking. My teeth chattered. I could not stop.

We call again. The reports are the same. He's doing okay. He looks a little better. We begin to relax only a little. We call mom again... she holds the phone so we can talk to my dad.


"Hey daddy, you okay?"

"Mmm, better now."

"Well we should be on the first flight out early tomorrow morning!"

"Okay, you guys be careful."

"We love you."


By his conversation we know something is really wrong. My dad.... is one of those dads that say...
"don't worry about it... it will be okay.... no need to come all the way home... I'm fine."

BUT this time he did not! He said for us to be careful. Not... don't bother, or it will be okay. He said becareful. Something is definitely wrong. This is not the normal reaction from my dad. My heart begins flutter.

Several minutes pass. Kayne and I start preparing for the trip back home. We are a little calmer now.... we have talked to my dad and although we did not receive the normal reaction... we talked to him! We were able to hear his voice. Hearing his voice calmed our fears...

Several minutes more..... we are searching options and booking our flights. Okay, we can be off the island as early as 7:20 a.m.. 7:20, any other time I would have hated the early departure, but tonight.... it could not come soon enough. We call my sister to inform her of our flight itineraries. With all the airplane transfers we should arrive home by 8 p.m. tomorrow night. 8 p.m. tomorrow night? Seems so long away. Too long. Too many hours to just sit here and do nothing.

A few minutes more... I try calling again. Just to calm my nerves.

No one answers. My mom... no answer. Kasey.... no answer. My grampa... no answer. Lucas, my brother-in-law..... finally, he answers...

"Lucas... where's everyone...we've been calling and calling?"

"Every one's in the room, he's had another spell."

"What, what's a spell, what's going on?" ... "Where's Kasey?"... "Where's my mom?"... "What happened?"

"They're in the room with him and not going to leave his side. They are going to medivac him to another hospital. They think he is having a stroke."


Stroke. Stroke? Lucas, a lot like my dad, is a man of few words. He just is not telling me enough. What do you mean stroke? I need to talk to my mom or Kasey.... someone who can tell me something.

After the longest 10 minutes of my life, Kasey calls me. I can barely understand her. She is so upset she can hardly breath. Her attempt at conversation comes in grasps...


"Kristie, he's not good. He's not good. He was just sitting there talking.... stopped... looked around with pleading eyes and said, 'Someone help me'!" Then he lost all control of his limbs and could no longer speak."

"What?"

"They think he is having a stroke and have called for a medivac helicopter to take him to another hospital."

"What? Where?"

"Kristie he looks bad. Momma is falling to pieces. I have never seen daddy like this. Hurry home."

"Kasey tell him we love him and we will be there as soon as we can."


I have no clue what to do now. My body just completely feels like a lead weight. I cannot breathe. I want to vomit, but cannot move to even make it to the bathroom. I am just sitting there paralyzed by fear. I cannot stop shaking. My teeth won't stop chattering. I am completely helpless.

I am 30+ hours away and cannot not do anything. I cannot even form words to pray. I do not know what to pray. So I just start talking in my head to God....


"Lord, I cannot do this. I cannot do this right now. This cannot be happening. Lord, You cannot do this to me and my family right now. It's not fair. Kayne, Harry, and I are half way around the world. I cannot handle this."

"Lord, You said You would not give us something we could not handle....well I cannot handle this. Please hear me out.... I cannot do this."

"Lord, you said not to be anxious or worry about anything.... well I am. I cannot calm my body down right now to even move. My family is everything to me. It's too much right now. I can do nothing but worry."

"Lord, my dad is important. He's young. Only 53, not overweight. He does not eat bad food. He does not have high blood pressure. He is in relatively good health. Kayne's only 19, he cannot lose his dad so young. He has not even seen him in over 10 months. It cannot happen this way."

"Lord, he has a 3 almost 4 year old granddaughter that thinks he hung the moon. She loves her poppie. She sees him everyday. She would not know what to do without her poppie. And Kasey is pregnant with a little boy. A grandson... that has not even been born yet. She wants her son to know her father. This cannot be happening. Not right now!"

"Lord, my mom.... you know she cannot handle this. This is beyond anything she can deal with. My dad is her life. She will be lost without him."

"Lord, I am not ready to lose him. I am only 30, to young to lose your dad. He's only 53. This cannot be happening."


And just around this time... I begin to get angry. It's not fair. I am frustrated. I am beginning to get frustrated with God.

"How can this be happening? Why would you allow this to right now? Of all times? We are half way around the world doing your work? If this was going to happen... why could I not have been in Atlanta. Not stuck on some stupid island in Greece.

"What have I done... what have Harry and I done to deserve this? Harry just lost his dad 2 months ago. It's not fair to take both right now. And while we are 30+ hours away." We have had 3 deaths in the family this year already. Trust me when I am telling you.... THIS ONE I COULD NOT HANDLE!"

"Lord, I need you to help me."

"We dropped everything to be a part of military ministry! And this is what happens.... pain and sorry at every turn? I do not know how much more I can take."

"Lord, you have to help me."

"I want everything to be okay with my dad. And if it's not please just let Kayne and I make it home in time."

"Lord, I need you to help me."

"But most importantly, I want your will. But I want your will to be my will right now... which is for everything to be okay with my dad! I know I have a problem with submission sometimes. And now is that sometimes. I know there are times you have to carry me kicking and screaming.... but I submit to you. I give it all to you... because I do not know what else to do."

"Oh, and I need you to calm me down so that I can function enough to keep it together for Kayne."

"Lord, I need you to help me."

After my head conversation with God.... still I could not move. I was completely catatonic. I needed to call home again, but I was scared of what the news would be.

"Kasey, what's happening now?"

"There's no change. He's still the same. The helicopter will be here in 5 minutes and it will take another 15 minutes to reach the other hospital. They have a neurologist standing by waiting for him."

"Where's momma?"

"At his side and will not leave him. We will call you on the drive."


Okay. What to do now? I am overcome with anxiety and fear. I do not know what to do.

"Lord, you have to help me NOW! I cannot do this without you."

I just start praying in my head again. Not a coversation this time.... but just saying "Lord, help me.... you have to help me.... I cannot do this right now." Over and over I keep repeating this until a feeling of peace that I know God was sending my way, washes over me. Thoughts begin flooding my head...."he's on his way to a specialist.... they will have a better grasp on the situation there.... he's going to be in good hands... he's headed in the right direction.... that's the best place for him... he will be in the best hands in his area...."


I that's when I realize.... I may be stuck in Greece, but I too am in good hands. I took the time to go to my specialist and he is helping me. My dad is a christian and has been my entire life. he and my mother met in church. So my God is also his God. So he's in good hands too ... he's still in God's hands. My thoughts are not normal yet and I am still shaking, but a peace begins to wash over me. "Lord, I need you to help me. You need to help my dad."

I call my mom on the drive and hear her. She is distraught beyond measure. She can barely talk. I make her promise to call me as soon as they arrive and see him. "Lord, I need you to help me. Lord, my mom needs you."

My mind tries to concentrate on the task at hand. Bags. Need to pack a bag. Tickets. Passport. What do I need? What will I need? Should I even bother with a bag? I begin to busy myself with the senselessness of packing. I try to think of all the things Harry will need this week. Do the animals have food? What else can I fill my time with to help keep my mind off the thoughts of not arriving home until 8 p.m. tomorrow night? Will I be able to make it until tomorrow night? Will I be able to control myself until I reach home? Can I physically make it until tomorrow night? Will I emotionally make it until tomorrow night 8 p.m.?


The anxiety begins again. That overwhelming fear comes creeping in again. "Lord, I still need you."


Shortly after my mom arrived at the hospital, I got the call....

"He's awake and talking." They are going to run tests to find out what's going on. He's in trauma, but he's awake and talking."

More of that calming peace washing over me. I may be able to do this after all. "But Lord, I still need you."



Kayne and I, after what seemed like weeks and was actually hours, made it off our island and began our journey home. That is a long story in itself. One for another time.



We are both home now and my dad is doing much better. The doctors believe my dad was having paralyzing seizures. And the attacks were not strokes.

"You will keep in perfect peace

him whose mind is steadfast,

because he trusts in you, O God."

Isaiah 26:3 (NIV)

My God is so good. And He shows himself at the precise time. I think... I now need to apologize to Him for being so demanding. I have to work on the submission stuff. I still want to fix things myself. He is constantly showing me my need for Him, but I am stubborn. I like control too much. I guess my time in Greece will show me just how much I have to rely on Him. Try being 30+ hours away from your family and feeling completely helpless.



Blessings to those fully relying on God,

Kristie