Our Guided Steps: Into the Jungle

Greetings,

Just before we left on our vacation journey... friends asked where we were going. "Thailand," I would reply. "Why," was the common response. "Because I want to ride an elephant...while holding a monkey," forthrightly explains I. And do not see the problem with my desire.... and I do not understand why friends are inquiring about my childhood...and wondering if it were traumatic??

So yes….one of my goals in visiting Thailand was to ride an elephant. So I visited the local Navy clinic to inquire about the need for malaria pills or anything else needed for my trek into the jungle. Doc assured me I had nothing to worry about.

Our excursion into the jungle was quite different than I ever imagined. I was expecting some exotic adventure filled with mysterious jungle sounds, amazing flora sights, and animals unknown to civilization.

What I got…..a smelly and I mean smelly elephant. I had no clue elephants stunk like that. And she was female….I mean come on! Miss Stinky was not the most comfortable ride. Elephants are slow… thank God….and extremely difficult to ride. The way in which they shift their weight requires the balance of an acrobat on a tightrope to keep from plummeting to your death below. Imagine riding a horse bareback. Okay, now imagine that horse is 4 times larger than your normal barnyard stable creature. Yeah….that’s right! There were no reigns, no saddle, no way to hold on other than Miss Stinky’s ears, which I found to be cruel. Needless to say, it was not the experience I was looking for.

When asked about the monkey….well our informative guide laughed as he looked upon these crazy American tourist and said, “There are no monkey’s in these jungles.” So no monkeys for me. Which…if they smell half as bad as the elephants…it’s okay with me.

While in the depths of the jungle….I kept feeling something falling on me. Something touching me. When I would look…nothing. Ride a few more feet…there it is again….something touching me. And that’s when I saw it…..bugs. Little small creepy crawling things falling out of the trees and landing on me. And for those of you who know me. That is so not cool.

My paranoid side could only think of the movie Arachnophobia….where the guys brings back a poisonous spider that fell into his shirt. Every time something touched me…or even if the wind blew across my skin…I jumped. I was on high alert the remaining jaunt through the jungle. Then I feel a sting. And sure enough…there is a mosquito on me…biting me. Then another and another. I look over at Harry and nothing…not a single bite. Oh this jungle thing it not all its cracked up to be. Doc better know what he's talking about when he explained while traveling in Bangkok I would not need malaria pills. When I return home, I am going to double check just to be certain.

Harry and I’s more adventuresome side decided to take a little river rafting trip. Again, probably sounded much more appealing in the brochure than actual no kidding rafting in foreign waters. Maybe it was just my delusional self, but all I could imagine was attracting some disease just from floating down stream. My suspicions of this expedition were confirmed when I saw a crocodile or alligator which ever one it is in Thailand….lazily sitting on the river bank.

Malaria thoughts aside….my prayers started a new direction, “Lord just get me off this stupid death contraception, back into Bangkok city proper, and m a y b e a nice massage. Amen.”